Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Had an accident in the last six months?

Many years ago on long-since-defunct comedy website jinx.co.uk, they ran a series of spoof adverts. One favourite was for Macaulay Culkin's financial products for straight mortgage owners. The Home Alone no homo home owner loan. And there was the one pictured on the left here.

Well yes, I have had an accident. Within the last three weeks, in fact. The latter point does apply to me, but, sadly, it wasn't my fault, so despite Billy Murray's pleadings on any cable channel at least three times per ad break, Injury Lawyers 4 You will remain unphoned by me, whether they're real lawyers or not. Oh, and what does '100% lawyers, 100% compensation' even mean? I digress.
Travelling between hostelries on a recent Saturday night, I waved at a mate who was on the other side of the road, diverting my attention from the path I was travelling in - a path that was shortly to collide with a wall. I hit said wall, my glasses smashed and sliced my face to bits. There goes the Armani contract... I refuse to blame drink. I wasn't looking where I was going and even then, if my glasses hadn't shattered then there'd not have been a problem.
A trip to Huddersfield A&E was followed by a trip to Bradford maxilo-facial unit to get it all put back together. Here's a picture taken at A&E by the missus who was almost too patient with me. I think this will be my first album cover.
The stitches (12) came out last week, leaving a scar like an inverted F just under my right eye. It's a mess, but considering how close to my eye it was and how hard my cheekbone slammed into the wall, it could have been much, much worse.

4 comments:

jerrychicken said...

Damn, I was hoping you'd been injured whilst saving someone from a gang of rapscallions and vagabonds - "walked into a wall whilst sober" is just not good enough - I'd change this post if I were you before anyone else reads it.

John_D said...

I wasn't sober, if that helps.

TheBigFatPhony said...

Lamppost or tree next time please. Oh and make sure there's someone with a camera about...

Mrs Dobson said...

'Almost too patient'? I was fecking pissed off at having to get up at stupid o'clock on a Sunday morning just to take you to Bradford to get your face stitched back together! As you know, from now on I will refer to you as Stitchface.

As an aside I will also say that falling into a drunken sleep and lapsing into a head injury related coma both look the same to a sober spouse, and that's why I was so worried. In retrospect I should have tried to beat some sense into you while you were incapacitated...

I love you darling xxx