Don't write about nothing

Hello again.

My ire has been spiked enough that the 140 characters available on Twitter don't seem enough.
On leafing through the paper today, I noticed an advert for a large high street retailer which was advertising Miley Cyrus's autobiography. It really does exist.

My problem is not with Mme Cyrus herself. Here's the thing: she's sixteen. Sixteen years of age. There is no way that anyone has done enough by that age to warrant an entire book. Maybe Mozart, but he's very much an exception.

The only way this will work as a book is if every page has written upon it "I haven't really done anything yet".

Christmas comes early to Leeds

Trying to calm down

The elections last week were amazingly depressing. Despite their share of teh vote going down a little bit, nazi twats the BNP managed to get two MEPs as tens of thousands of people simply failed to vote. Cheers for that. Really appreciate it. Yorkshire and Humber is one of the regions that will be represented in Brussels by a fascist, Andrew Brons, noted former member of the National Front. Last time around, we were represented by Ukip, a whole other set of cranks and loons with an utter knob for a leader, but they're as nothing to this set of tossers.

In order to calm down, I went and sat on the sea front at Hornsea and watched the waves for a while. It worked for me, and maybe it will for you:

Use your vote, please

It's election day tomorrow. The last time we had European elections, the turnout was 22%. If it gets within five points of that tomorrow, it'll be a minor miracle, such is the disillusionment felt across the country in the light of the expenses row that's pretty much hamstrung politics for a couple of weeks or more now (oh god please make it stop).

And that resultant apathy is completely understandable and reasonable and I expect the turnout to reflect it. However... There's always a however. When you get tiny turnouts, it means those on the fringes of serious politics suddenly get a louder voice than would otherwise be the case. Yes, the fascist twats of the BNP have been pushing their filth through letterboxes across the country and while I don't think Britain will actually return a jackbooted tosser to Brussels, any significant proportion of the vote will give them the oxygen of publicity that we could all do without. The oxygen of oxygen is too good for them, but there's not much that you or I can do about that. The publicity thing, however, we can. Please get out and vote. It is important, and any vote for someone other than the fascists is a vote for the freedoms we all hold dear.

Dear Manchester

Hello Manchester. How you doing?

Now I know we've not always got on, mainly because it always bloody rains over by you, but I'd like you to hear me out. Later this year, you'll have the option to register interest for an ID card. Can I ask that you don't?

Here's what happens. You register an interest on a website and will then be told how to go about getting your card. Then you'll need to submit fingerprints and a photo and cough up some cash. This is capped at £30 for two years, but after that, don't worry. The home secretary says the final price will be "competitive". Difficult to see how she reaches that conclusion. If it's compulsory, then it's not very competitive at all, as there'd be no choice. If it's voluntary, then I'd suggest not getting a card would be more competitive as that would cost sod all.

If the scheme is ultimately to be voluntary, then there is no point anybody having a card, no matter what the reasoning behind the idea. And therein lies another point: just what are they for? The government quickly backed down from the counter-terrorism argument when it was pointed out that it was bollocks, so instead it's been marketed as an easier way to get hold of public services. But I don't believe that for one minute as this government, like others before it and no doubt many others after it as well, proposes these things for one purpose and ends up doing something completely different with them. Like using anti-terrorism laws to restrict peaceful protest or check up on families trying to get their kids into specific schools. Basically, I'd always check a calendar if someone in the government told me today was Wednesday (though in a Bank Holiday week, I always find it useful to check anyway, as you're always a bit disoriented by the Monday off).

Anyway, Manchester, the onus is on you. You're the guinea pig in this and if you do start signing up for this madcap scheme that's already cost us all billions, we're all going to have it inflicted upon us. So please don't.

Next, it's students opening bank accounts that will be offered them. Same goes for you, students. Please don't.

UK ends bilateral military aid to Colombia

Britain has quietly ended nearly a decade of military aid to Colombia's armed forces after accusations of gross violations of human rights, including the murder of civilians who were shot and reported as guerrillas killed in combat.

The Colombian government was "extremely surprised" by the decision to cut off the bilateral cooperation programmes, the deputy defence minister, Sergio Jaramillo, told the Guardian.

Jaramillo didn't go on by not saying "I am very surprised. After all, Colombia's human rights record has been abysmal for decades, so why now? Britain did nothing when it was clear the Colombian government were in collusion with paramilitaries to stamp out trade unionism, so this move comes as something of a shock".

Load of old scrap

One of the very, very few giveaways in last week's budget was the £2000 scrappage allowance, whereby owners of cars over ten years old, with a valid MoT and proof of ownership for at least a year can trade in their old motor for a new one whilst getting a grand off the government and a grand off the manufacturer of their new ride.

This is a very cunning way of looking like you're doing something to stimulate the car industry while actually costing next to bugger all.

As I see it, there are three main groups of people who own cars which are over ten years old.
There are those that buy new and run their cars into the ground before changing. These are probably the greenest of the bunch, what with being less responsible for the enormous energy costs of making cars than someone who continually trades in. This group may be swayed by the £2k on offer.
There are those who can only afford - or who choose - to buy second hand and, if their current whip is ten years old, would only be looking at something three/four years old as a replacement.
There are those whose ten-year old car was bought for what it is, a classic, say. For instance, the wife would dearly love an old MG. I'd quite like a late 70s/early 80s BMW. No scrappage scheme is going to tempt owners of stuff like that to trade in for a bland new Eurobox.

Besides, reports are already emerging that dealers have been steadily raising prices to cover their portion of the £2000 in anticipation of the scheme. So it's bollocks, really.